Kings Drop Game To Lakers On Road. Err Home.

You know, had I closed my eyes last night and just listened to the sounds of the game, chances are I’d venture to guess it was played at Staples Center.

Nothing like the smell of fresh bandwagon. Delicious.

Of course, being out of the Sacramento viewing area (thus DirecTV blocking Comcast since it was a “national game”), I was unlucky enough to watch the long, drawn out, self mutilating Celtics/Bucks game (Brandon Jennings is still shooting….) until it came to a completion which was about seven or eight minutes before the Kings/Laker game ended. Okay, I kid. It was really more like nine or ten minutes before the game ended. :\

As for what I was able to see, well, it was pretty shitty to be fair. The Kings, despite the somewhat respectable boxscore, stunk. In fairness, not everybody stuck. Just most.

I’m fully able to admit that I still have a bit of San Francisco Giants hangover going on – and when combined with the Kings fast 3-1 start prior to this evenings tilt, well, my sports penis could have put Ron Jeremy to shame. I couldn’t even remember what it felt like to lose a game. Well, thanks Kobe. I remember pretty clearly now.

Tyreke Evans was stuck in foul trouble all night, especially late, much like his young counterpart DeMarcus Cousins. Both players were clearly strangle-held by their foul issues (both players had five) and it showed in their play, well, when they could actually get on the floor – which was rare.

Evans had a solid scoring night but did little else and DCuz was pretty poor outside of the first quarter (which I missed, thank you ESPN). Carl Landry continued his points or bust campaign, doing little work outside of the scoring column while Luther Head was an absolute disaster for any ball within five feet of him – on both sides of the court. Here, let me close my eyes and do a two minute recap:

"Head: turnoverBryant: makes 24 foot 3-pointerHead: missed 38 foot 3-pointerBryant: rebound; makes 49 foot 3-pointer; fouled by Head; converts foul shotHead: misses .4 foot shot; gives Bryant giftbasket of fruits and edible flowersBryant: rebound; makes 93 foot shot off the scoreboard, through the concession stand, out into the parking lot, off Tyreke’s Mercedes, back into the arena, off seat 4, row 18, in section 139, eyes closed, nothing but net.Bryant: Wipes jock with Head’s head"

It was more or less like that. More or less.

In some positive news, Samuel Dalembert put up two points. Oh wait, shit. Good news. Um, in good news, Samuel Dalembert played pretty good defense? Yeah, well, he did. And judging by the rest of the Kings, Dalembert might have a few things to teach them. Wow. They struggling on the defensive end right now. The Arizona Cardinals are even giggling. It’s painful to watch.

Speaking of painful things, I guess Donte Greene has really lost his rotation spot. Like, way bad. He didn’t even get off of the bench tonight against a team with a lot of length and Casspi struggling. Do I need to make “Free Greene” t-shirts?!

If the Kings had any legit positives tonight, it was Beno Udrih who continued his solid play. Udrih channeled his inner Bob Cousy tonight, dishing out eight assists to zero turnovers, adding five rebounds and 17 points on 7 of 11. Cisco had a very solid game off the bench as well along with the prior mentioned solid defense by Dalembert, but, other than that it was a pretty rough night. The Kings kept it respectable through about a quarter and a half but ran into an offensive struggle midway through the second and that lead to even poorer defense. Don’t get me wrong; they weren’t blown out. They just weren’t really ever in the game past that point. And while I’m far from a homer – I don’t expect them to take down the Lakers on most nights, I did expect a bit more competitiveness from the purple and black.

I’d love to chalk it up to a rough night, but, through five games (four versus very poor/below average teams), the Kings have fallen down double digits in all. That’s a wee bit of an issue. And I’m sure it’ll be cleared up (to a point) shortly – it’s still only five games into the season. So sure, yell at me for being a tough ass. Yell at me for being impatient. Mainly, because I am. And I can be. Afterall, I am the most interesting man in the world. Well, second. Brian Wilson is pretty fucking awesome.

Maybe the Kings need a “Machine”?

What did I do with that gag ball….